We first met outside a bar in Bangkok. Unexpectedly, an ordinary night turned out to be my greatest memory. He taught me how to surf in Bali, experience boxing in Bangkok, camp in Zermatt, drift on a gondola in Venice and how could I forget, kiss in Eiffel Tower.
But, long distance love affair is always messy. We were fools to believe that we can conquer the distance of 5,668 miles. We promised to make it work. Short trips here and there but seeing each other only twice a year brought more agony than the separation itself. We thought the pure bliss of seeing each other would make up for it. But, it made us more bitter. So, we ended it.
I still couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason. Was it the maddening need to be next to him? Or the consuming desire to hold his hands next to mine because he could make everything okay? Or the antagonizing sacrifice of staying awake in the wee hours just to hear his voice? Or maybe… my reluctance to move to Switzerland to finally reunite together?
Should I be thankful that we are still friends? He would still send Swiss cheese and loads of chocolates. We still exchange messages and emails. I know he still loves me. So do I.
Sometimes at night, I would still think maybe I did the worst decision of letting him go. Should I just say that I didn’t want to depend on him and I was just too afraid to give up my present life? With all of this, my nights would always end up with a sigh and a thought, “I would never regret kissing him, a stranger, outside a bar.” He turned out to be the best guy I have ever met.
When I am ready, I will again put caution to the wind to finally be with him. This time, it is forever.
A beautiful friend’s story. Mary, I will always want you to be happy. And to Mary’s best guy for being a very decent man when I met him last year.